How should I pray?

But as we come to spiritual maturity, some at a younger age than others, the simple recitation becomes not enough, and the question becomes urgent: how are we to grow in prayer? And what does ‘prayer’ even mean? 

2.         What is prayer? 

Prayer is the relational living out of our faith, the mystery that requires that we ‘believe in it, … celebrate it, and … live from it in a vital and personal relationship with the living and true God. This relationship is prayer.’(CCC2558).  Every human being is called to the life of grace and hence to the life of prayer, and essentially is on the search for God, a fact that the existence of other religions bears witness to. We may forget God or hide from Him, or turn aside to idols, but God, living and true, ‘tirelessly calls each person’ to prayer.  This is always God’s initiative, and ‘our own first step is always a response.’ (CCC2567)

Our happiness lies in God, and so prayer, which is ‘the raising of one's mind and heart to God or the requesting of good things from God"[1]is essential if we are to be happy.  It is the breath of the life we shall live in heaven. St. Therese of Lisieux describes it as ‘a surge of the heart…a simple look turned toward heaven…a cry of recognition and of love, embracing both trial and joy.’ (St. Therese of Lisieux, Manuscrits autobiographiques, C 25r.)

We may feel that prayer is something that we ‘do,’ but all authentic prayer is initiated by God, Who ‘tirelessly calls each person to this mysterious encounter with Himself.’ (CCC2591) God has blessed our hearts, and this gives us the power to respond and bless Him in return. Prayer is the gift of God.  It is the Holy Spirit Who leads us into prayer, teaching us the basic forms of the life of prayer, blessing, petition, intercession, thanksgiving, praise. ‘Christ comes to meet every human being…. Whether we realize it or not, prayer is the encounter of God's thirst with ours. God thirsts that we may thirst for him. (CCC2560)

This response should come out of a recognition of the truth of who and what we are.  We should remember the truth, that we are creatures, that we are weak, and that we are sinners.  We should not address ourselves to God from a position of pride but of humility, from a ‘humble and contrite heart’ since ‘humility is the foundation of prayer.’ (CCC2559)  At the same time truth demands that we should address God with confidence not servile fear, modelling our prayer on that of Christ, Who demonstrated to us how to be in relationship with God,  a relationship characterized by ‘a loving adherence to the will of the Father … and an absolute confidence in being heard.’(CCC 2620)This confidence comes from an obedience to the example and precept of Christ Who taught us to call God ‘Father.’  Our prayer should rest upon the understanding that we are created in the image of God, redeemed by the precious Blood of Christ, and called by Him into the precious dignity of being sons and daughters of God, to live with His life.

1.     Ways of praying

The four aspects of prayer are petition, adoration, contrition and thanksgiving.

Petition is asking for things for oneself.  My mother and father were received into the Catholic Church as adults, and both of them separately asked what it was all right to pray for, and both received the same answer: ‘anything it is all right to want.’  The Catechism enumerates these as being ‘Forgiveness, the quest for the Kingdom, and every true need’(CCC2646).  If what we ask for for ourselves is not one of these things, perhaps our intentions need purifying, but this can only come about through prayer.

Intercession is prayer for another, asking on their behalf.  There are no bounds to such prayer, which should include our enemies, and also include asking when all hope of a change seems to have vanished.  Two events in my life – the Good Friday agreement and the fall of the Berlin wall were the fruit of many years of intercessory prayer, hope against expectation.  We must never give up on praying out of a sense that a thing is too much, too incredible.  I can distinctly remember the constant prayer for peace in Northern Ireland when I was a teenager, and how a little voice would whisper to me ‘like that is ever going to happen!’ Yet this love, emerging in intercessory prayer, restores us to God's likeness and enables us to ‘share in the power of God's love that saves the multitude.’ (CCC 2572)

Thanksgiving seems simple enough – one thanks God for good things – but if one takes St Paul Seriously ‘give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.’ (1 Thess 5:18). Then we should also include ‘Every joy and suffering, every event and need’ and thanksgiving should become all-embracing. (CCC2684).  This, taken seriously, means we should give thanks even for the crosses in our lives.

Finally, Praise and adoration is the prayer of the heart that lifts up the heart towards God, gives praise to Him, ‘and gives him glory for his own sake, quite beyond what he has done, but simply because HE IS. (CCC2649). This kind of prayer is the living out of the covenantal relationship between God and man in Christ.  From our side, it is the whole person who prays, and Scripture insists (more than a thousand times) that this prayer emerges from the heart, and ‘If our heart is far from God, the words of prayer are in vain.’(CCC2562).  We pray, that is, from ‘our hidden centre, beyond the grasp of our reason and of others’ from the depths of our heart which ‘only the Spirit of God can fathom …and know… fully.’, that place where we decide for good or evil, the ‘place of truth, where we choose life or death….the place of encounter,’ where ‘as image of God we live in relation…the place of covenant.’(CCC2563), ‘the action of God and of man, springing forth from both the Holy Spirit and ourselves, wholly directed to the Father, in union with the human will of the Son of God made man.’(CCC2564) Such  ‘attentiveness of the heart, whose decisions are made according to God's will, is essential to prayer, while the words used count only in relation to it.’(CCC2570) At the most basic level, prayer is a response to ‘the realities of Creation.’  Simply seeing and noticing the goodness and beauty that surrounds us and rejoicing in thanksgiving, worshipping the source of our being is a kind of prayer ‘lived by many righteous people in all religions.’ (CCC2569).  In this we are to an extent restored to the life of Eden, marvelling anew each day at the beauty and wonder of creation.  So, in a way the glory we give to God is the easiest and most natural form of prayer.  This leads us into the deepest form of prayer, that of Contemplation.  The Catechism has this to say about this:

‘Contemplative prayer seeks him "whom my soul loves."⁷ It is Jesus, and in him, the Father. We seek him, because to desire him is always the beginning of love, and we seek him in that pure faith which causes us to be born of him and to live in him. In this inner prayer we can still meditate, but our attention is fixed on the Lord himself. (CCC2709)

It is the place of communion, ‘the living relationship of the children of God with their Father who is good beyond measure, with his Son Jesus Christ and with the Holy Spirit.’ This relationship of prayer is ‘the habit of being in the presence of the thrice-holy God and in communion with him, ’which has become possible because as Baptised persons we are already united with Christ in God and in His Body the Church. (CCC 2565). 

In contemplative prayer most deeply we are united with Christ and ‘the Father gives us when our prayer is united with that of Jesus is "another Counsellor, to be with you for ever, even the Spirit of truth’….In the Holy Spirit, Christian prayer is a communion of love with the Father, not only through Christ but also in him: "Hitherto you have asked nothing in my name; ask, and you will receive, that your joy may be full.’ (CCC 2615)

2.     Difficulties in prayer

Prayer is not always easy:  Like Moses, like Elijah, like Job we balk, argue, complain, make excuses, question the goodness of God and the Wisdom of His Providence.  We also go through sometimes protracted periods of dryness, distraction, even boredom.  We should be afraid of none of this – a relationship with God in which we only ever show Him our ‘good’ thoughts does not conform to the image of prayer we are shown in the Bible, and often enough it is in response to the questions we ask in prayer that the Lord shows His face and reveals His Name.  Prayer is sometimes a place of consolation, but if we strive for consolation, it is not God we are seeking.  We must seek always the Giver of consolations, not the consolations themselves.  Working on the premise that the account of the forty years in the desert is (among other things) an account of the spiritual life, that prayer is ‘a battle of faith and… a triumph of perseverance’ (CCC2573)

3.     Wellsprings

The main sources and wellsprings of prayer are, meditation on Scripture, the Divine Office the Rosary and the sacraments.  If we find we are dry in prayer these are the sources we need. 

a)     Scripture should form the backbone of our life of prayer.  ‘Ignorance of Scripture is ignorance of Christ’, as St Jerome says[2]: as it says in the Catechism ‘The Church "forcefully and specially exhorts all the Christian faithful . . . to learn 'the surpassing knowledge of Jesus Christ' (Phil 3:8) by frequent reading of the divine Scriptures’(CCC2653).  While it is not true that the pre-Vatican II Church forbade the reading of scripture (a cursory glance at the windows of mediaeval Churches reveals a deep knowledge of the content of scripture), one of the better fruits of the Council was a re-emphasis on the necessity of such knowledge.  As the Catechism says: ‘The Church "forcefully and specially exhorts all the Christian faithful . . . to learn 'the surpassing knowledge of Jesus Christ' (Phil 3:8) by frequent reading of the divine Scriptures’ (CCC2653).  There are caveats to be observed: firstly, as St Peter says, ‘no prophecy of scripture is a matter of one’s own interpretation’ (2 Pet.1.20).  We need to understand the scripture within the tradition of the Church, so in case of a doubt, consult a good, Catholic commentary.  The Jerusalem Bible is a good place to start!  The second caveat is that it is not enough to be a bible expert: to pray well we need to be in conversation with the text, to open our hearts to hear what God is saying to us in this text: As St Ambrose says 'we speak to him when we pray; we listen to him when we read the divine oracles."'

b)    A specific way to keep faithful to reading and meditation on scripture is to pray the Divine Office, or the Liturgy of the Hours.  This is the daily prayer of the Church, marking the hours of each day and sanctifying the day with prayer, a meditative dialogue on the mystery of Christ, using scripture and prayer, based around the psalms.   In the psalms we are given a model for prayer, both personal and communal, simple, spontaneous, filled with the desire for God, a way of prayer that ‘recalls the saving events of the past, yet extends into the future, even to the end of history’  The Psalms were the prayer of Our Saviour, and in praying them we join ourselves to His prayer. (cf. CCC2588).

c)     Another way of meditating on the scriptures is of course the Rosary, where we use the Hail Marys as a sort of spiritual ‘noise machine’ while contemplating the mysteries of our salvation.  This prayer is under the loving gaze of Our Blessed Lady: ‘Because of Mary's singular cooperation with the action of the Holy Spirit, the Church loves to pray in communion with the Virgin Mary, to magnify with her the great things the Lord has done for her, and to entrust supplications and praises to her. (CCC2682)

d)    Finally, the source and summit of our Life in Christ are the Sacraments, and in particular the Holy Eucharist in the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass.

It is in the sacramental liturgy of the Church that ‘the mission of Christ and of the Holy Spirit proclaims, makes present, and communicates the mystery of salvation, which is continued in the heart that prays…. Prayer internalizes and assimilates the liturgy during and after its celebration. Even when it is lived out "in secret,"⁶ prayer is always prayer of the Church; it is a communion with the Holy Trinity.⁷(CCC2655)

Over the next few months, we will be exploring some of the themes I have visited here in more detail.  I hope you will join us in this adventure!

I’m going to end with a poem about the Rosary.  I hope you enjoy it!

THE TRIMMIN'S ON THE ROSARY by John O'Brien

Ah, the memories that find me now my hair is turning gray,

Drifting in like painted butterflies from paddocks far away;

Dripping dainty wings in fancy -and the pictures, fading fast,

Stand again in rose and purple in the album of the past.

There's the old slab dwelling dreaming by the wistful, watchful trees,

Where the coolabahs are listening to the stories of the breeze;

There's a homely welcome beaming from its big, bright friendly eyes,

With The Sugarloaf behind it blackened in against the skies;

There's the same dear happy circle round the boree's cheery blaze

With a little Irish mother telling tales of other days.

She had one sweet, holy custom which I never can forget,

And a gentle benediction crowns her memory for it yet;

I can see that little mother still and hear her as she pleads,

"Now it's getting on to bed-time; all you childer get your beads."

There were no steel-bound conventions in that old slab dwelling free;

Only this - each night she lined us up to say the Rosary;

E'en the stranger there, who stayed the night upon his journey, knew

He must join the little circle, ay, and take his decade too.

I believe she darkly plotted, when a sinner hove in sight

Who was known to say no prayer at all, to make him stay the night.

Then we'd softly gather round her, and we'd speak in accents low,

And pray like Sainted Dominic so many years ago;

And the little Irish mother's face was radiant, for she knew

That "where two or three are gathered" He is gathered with them too.

O'er the Paters and the Aves how her reverent head would bend!

How she'd kiss the cross devoutly when she counted to the end!

And the visitor would rise at once, and brush his knees - and then

He'd look very, very foolish as he took the boards again.

She had other prayers to keep him.  They were long, long prayers in truth;

And we used to call them "Trimmin's" in my disrespectful youth.

She would pray for kith and kin, and all the friends she'd ever known,

Yes, and everyone of us could boast a "trimmin"' all his own.

She would pray for all our little needs, and every shade of care

That might darken o'er The Sugarloaf, she'd meet it with a prayer.

She would pray for this one's "sore complaint," or that one's "hurted hand,"

Or that someone else might make a deal and get "that bit of land";

Or that Dad might sell the cattle well, and seasons good might rule,

So that little John, the weakly one, might go away to school.

There were trimmin's, too, that came and went; but ne'er she closed without

Adding one for something special "none of you must speak about."

Gentle was that little mother, and her wit would sparkle free,

But she'd murder him who looked around while at the Rosary:

And if perchance you lost your beads, disaster waited you,

For the only one she'd pardon was "himself" - because she knew

He was hopeless, and 'twas sinful what excuses he'd invent,

So she let him have his fingers, and he cracked them as he went,

And, bedad, he wasn't certain if he'd counted five or ten,

Yet he'd face the crisis bravely, and would start around again;

But she tallied all the decades, and she'd block him on the spot,

With a "Glory, Daddah, Glory!" and he'd "Glory" like a shot.

She would portion out the decades to the company at large;

But when she reached the trimmin's she would put herself in charge;

And it oft was cause for wonder how she never once forgot,

But could keep them in their order till she went right through the lot.

For that little Irish mother's prayers embraced the country wide;

If a neighbour met with trouble, or was taken ill, or died,

We could count upon a trimmin' - till, in fact, it got that way

That the Rosary was but trimmin's to the trimmin's we would say.

Then "himself" would start keownrawning [3]- for the public good, we thought -

"Sure you'll have us here till mornin'.  Yerra, cut them trimmin's short!"

But she'd take him very gently, till he softened by degrees -

"Well, then, let us get it over.  Come now, all hands to their knees."

So the little Irish mother kept her trimmin's to the last,

Every growing as the shadows o'er the old selection passed;

And she lit our drab existence with her simple faith and love,

And I know the angels lingered near to bear her prayers above,

For her children trod the path she trod, nor did they later spurn

To impress her wholesome maxims on their children in their turn.

Ay, and every "sore complaint" came right, and every "hurted hand";

And we made a deal from time to time, and got "that bit of land";

And Dad did sell the cattle well; and little John, her pride,

Was he who said the Mass in black the morning that she died;

So her gentle spirit triumphed - for 'twas this, without a doubt,

Was the very special trimmin' that she kept so dark about.

But the years have crowded past us, and the fledglings all have flown,

And the nest beneath The Sugarloaf no longer is their own;

For a hand has written "finis" and the book is closed for good -

Here's a stately red-tiled mansion where the old slab dwelling stood;

There the stranger has her "evenings," and the formal supper's spread,

But I wonder has she "trimmin's" now, or is the Rosary said?

Ah, those little Irish mothers passing from us one by one!

Who will write the noble story of the good that they have done?

All their children may be scattered, and their fortunes windwards hurled,

But the Trimmin's on the Rosary will bless them round the world.